Liz Erikson AKA Liz Erikson-Layne… Well here we are, it’s a new year. There are so many things that I’ve wanted to say to you Liz Erikson, so many things I’ve wanted to tell you, and even things I’ve thought about doing to you. Over these weeks, my mind has been filled with intense emotions, thoughts and imagined scenarios- all involving you. Sometimes, I’ve wanted to simply sling your petty insults right back at you. It would feel so good to let loose all my anger and rage via words of hate… but I know that would be so inconsequential. Much like the words you exchanged with my husband over these last few years, they would be meaningless- just empty words.
So, I’ve given you silence instead. Other times I’ve wanted to fly to Atlanta, simply to have the experience and the satisfaction of tearing your hair out and putting your head through a wall. However, I continue to use restraint with that desire too. I will not fall into violence. Every day, every hour, I restrain myself, I keep my emotions in check and I remain strong. But still, I hate you. Now I know that most of all, above all else, I want for you to suffer. I want your black heart to shatter and break into a thousand pieces. I want you to hurt, as much as (or even more than) you’ve hurt me. I want acid to flow through your veins, and fire to rage in your chest. I want you to know the feeling of true betrayal, of shattered trust and of a pain so deep that nothing will cure it. I want YOU to hurt. But, then I look into my own heart and conscious, and I see that you probably do suffer already. Also I see that it’s likely you have been suffering for a long time, perhaps forever. I see your brokenness. I see your lack of a moral conscious and above all else, I see your extreme selfishness. I take solace in knowing that someone as miserable as you will likely never know true love, or true happiness. I look back, and I see how you (pathetically) found your validation and self worth in the attention of men. You are such a weak woman. I know that my husband was not your only source of male attention. You sucked up all of their actions and sexual attention like a vampire. But, the truth about feeding your self in that way, is that it’s not sustainable, and it’s not real. It wasn’t real Liz. You were so desperate (and greedy for attention) that you convinced yourself that they might actually have cared for you. They did not. They used you, as a plaything. You were so gullible in your selfishness that you fell for it all. Plus, you felt no remorse for the innocent people who your egotistical acts would hurt, possibly even destroy. But, I understand that empathy is probably an emotion that you lack the capability to even experience. However, I am not like you. I have empathy, and sympathy for others. I can see other people’s pain and am able to acknowledge if I’ve had a part in the creation of it. I care about others. And, these are the characteristics that allow me to see your extreme brokenness. Your heart is cold and bitter, and I see it. Your soul is an ugly sight to behold. You’ve taken no responsibility for your actions. You’ve lied and denied. You even seem to go so far as to see yourself as the victim (which in this case, is a “LOL” worthy notion). You are not the victim here. Perhaps your life has been “ruined” or destroyed. Parts of me sincerely hope it has. And IF it has in fact been ruined, then know that is entirely of your own making. YOU did this to yourself. You did this with the choices you made. When you decided (again!) to be a mistress and adulteress, you sealed your own fate. But you’re not smart, clever or cunning. And in the end, honesty and truth will always reign. I know you are steaming as you read these words. I know your muscles are tense and your anger is flaring. But now, you need to look beyond that. I’m giving you a chance. I’m giving you the chance to find a different place inside of yourself… a place that may or may not even exist. And once you find that place, if you find that place, I am giving you the opportunity to pull from it feelings of true remorse. Simply put: You owe me an apology. If you search your conscious, no matter how insignificant it may be, you will see that this is true. You owe me a HUGE apology for what you did to my family, myself, my husband and all of those who love us. Your selfish actions have hurt so many. Also, you owe me answers. I have questions and you need to answer them. I’ll start with an easy one: When you were in San Francisco, you slept with my husband in your hotel room one night. After that he left, and slept on my sister’s couch. He does not remember if he went back to see you again the next morning. This is probably because you meant so little to him. But, I know you do, I know you remember. So tell me. What happened the morning after? Did you see him again? Now, here’s a harder question: Why? Why in G*D’S name did you do this to me? You are a church going woman and call yourself a Christian. Why, and HOW could you do this to another person? You owe me a reason, and an explanation. How did you make this “okay” in your mind? So… explain. Now, the choice is yours. You can come back with some more stupid petty insults (maybe more comments about me taking medication, or my being psycho, or not liking his d**k “after all”, or who knows what). Or, you can try to ignore me. Or… you can chose to make a different decision. Instead, you can react from a place of integrity and humanity. You can give me what’s owed. I’ll be waiting. Tag, you’re it.